Sylphisonic wrote:You know, because I mostly associate the liberal usage of the word "folks" with President George Bush these days, I kind of read that sentence and nearly cracked up over it because in my head it was Mr. Bush's voice. In that dead-pan public address tone. Sorry, it's juvenille and may be offensive to some readers, but that is honestly what happened. And I got a giggle off of it.
I'm not offended by the giggles at all, but I'll point out that I live in the South, and folks down here tend to use the word "folks" conversationally. I'll admit that expletives are often substituted for "folks" in New Orleans...
Uhh, seriously I think I'd rather not know what my friends where getting up to if that's what they were into...
As I've said in other contexts, this is probably just a difference of definition and point-of-view. If the friend is, in fact, my friend, I have no problem with him or her telling me about his or her work, relationship, etc. As you've suggested elsewhere, personal anecdote is a way of explaining where one is coming from...
And I'd say that some of the people in question experience a fair amount of anxiety and anguish
because they can't reveal their jobs or interests to people they care about-- precisely because they're worried about being called "weirdos" and being told to "keep their distance" and whatnot. Sexual idenitity-- and that's really what we're talking about; in many instance, it's not simply a matter of behavior, and anyway, a person gets pegged with an identity as soon as his or her behaviors are exposed-- is, culturally, bound up with history, environment, with what people don't want to hear or know about... because it strikes them as weird.
In the case of people who are into the lifestyle, this causes some particularly acute types of anxiety and pain, as it's pretty central to how they view themselves (or can become a painful and secretive obsession, if they can't come to terms with their desires), and as some of their particular fears-- being socially stigmatized, rejected by people they care about, possibly missing out on job opportunities if they're "found out", etc.-- is pretty human, I think.
And, of course, it's this kind of shame that feeds into the marketplace, if you follow me. If someone is ashamed to ask a loved one, he or she seeks out a professional... and many find themselves in a double-bind, so to speak. Tell the spouse or partner or potential spouse/partner, and risk losing that person, risk having that person call you a freak. Don't tell an established spouse or partner, and you're betraying, on a pretty basic emotional level, someone you love.
Repression. Supply and demand. An old story.
Same thing goes for curiosity... people feel shame, and it sometimes leads to ruinous results for all involved.
And no, I'm not absolving someone who cheats on his or her lover of having cheated.
I am saying-- without irony-- that life is sad and complex and messy.
I'm prone to feeling sympathy for human beings. I wouldn't say I excuse bad behavior, though. That's something different.
And I think I'll keep my distance, thanks! All you new-fangled young people are just a bit too out there for me. It may be trendy (in an artsy, loft-living kind of way), but I'm just not there I'm afraid. Keep your dirty laundry indoors, and all that.
"All
you new-fangled
young people"? I'm not that young, I'm afraid... and the people I mentioned weren't young, either. (In fact, the lady who interrupted the discussion my friend and I were having was in her forties or fifties...)
I think I mentioned I'm not into BDSM, so it's hardly
my dirty laundry... and it seemed relevant to the topic, to the question.
And I met more than a few people who were into BDSM when I lived in England...
I'm not sure anyone I've spoken of got "into" certain things because they were trying to keep up with trends (in fact, they'd be excluded from a lot of social circles if their lines of work and/or proclivities were known), nor were they all artsy, and many didn't live in lofts.
And I seldom discuss my experiences-- or experiences I've heard about from friends and associates-- for exactly this reason: I always find it fascinating and sort of depressing that these sorts of discussions become-- almost by default-- ad hominem arguments.
With all the references to "weirdos" and use of the second person and whatnot, I almost get the feeling you're speaking ill of my friends...
Without knowing them.
I'm curious... Do I fit the "weirdo" model because I've had friends and know people who tell me about that sort of thing and I don't freak out?
It's not like I accept or even tolerate
every possible human behavior...
And I have to ask... The point of your story about the writer was...? I mean, if the woman and her "posse" were the sort of folks who'd kidnap you and forcibly induct you, I could see how that could be disconcerting, if not downright upsetting...
But if they were just curious and were obviously curious, I'd probably have responded the same way I do to people who hit on me or seem interested in me
that way. "Well, I'm flattered, but I'm happily involved with someone." Or, sometimes, if the person is male: "You're not really my type, if you see what I mean. <smile> Thanks, though."
Usually the other party is pretty embarrassed-- after all, they've been open about themselves and have risked rejection or worse (if I'm a stranger to them; I could be violently homophobic or enraged by what they've proposed or something, for all they know)-- and I'm a pretty polite person, so...
What's wrong with S&M being used to just cover the whole spectrum?
There's nothing
wrong with it... it's just inaccurate.
If you look at late-19th and early 20th Century texts by psychologists such as Krafft-Ebing (who first employed "masochism" as a clinical term in the 1890s, naming the behavior after Leopold von Sacher-Masoch), the terms "sadism" and "masochism" had pretty particular meanings, and referred to particular behaviors or obsessions or inclinations... and so did "dominant" and "submissive personality", etc. The meanings remained pretty constant right up to the present, although psychologists and law enforcement officials draw distinctions-- in most instances, in many countries-- between individuals who enjoy consensual (but certainly unconventional) relationships and, say, people who enjoy inflicting pain on
unwilling partners.
Such is the soul in the body: this world is like her little turf of grass, and the heaven o'er our heads, like her looking-glass, only gives us a miserable knowledge of the small compass of our prison. - Bosola, in John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi
Actually I found myself chuckling while I read that.
