Who am I the forum dominatrix? (from quotes)

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Jeni Nielsen
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Post by Jeni Nielsen »

Elmo wrote::lol: lol, did you mean there to be innuendo in that last one or not? there seems to be innuendo wherever I look in lord of the rings.. :oops:

"No, no the big one, big one!" - Merry, LotR

"You will taste man flesh!" - Saruman, LotR

"Arwen, ride hard. Don’t look back!" - Aragorn, LotR

"Take it Gandalf! Take it!"
"No Frodo no." - LotR

"Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall." - Strider LotR

"It is a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing... such a little thing." - Boromir, LotR

"Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!" - Goblin no.3, LotR

disclaimer: That first paragraph and the quotes are in no way connected, honest ..and I didn't even mention rings or dwarf tossing.. :P

..i may have crossed the line, if scary forum mod Jeni comes into this post I'll be in mexico. :wink:
How's the weather in Mexico this time of year. :) Actually I found myself chuckling while I read that.

Since when have I become the forum dominatrix? :wink:
AlphonseVanWorden
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Post by AlphonseVanWorden »

Elmo wrote: :lol: lol, did you mean there to be innuendo in that last one or not? there seems to be innuendo wherever I look in lord of the rings.. :oops:
Innuendo? Moi? I was just quoting Professor Tolkien's work... :wink:

I recall a bunch of Orcs singing "Where There's a Whip, There's a Way" in the old Rankin-Bass animated version of Return of the King... I think the song permanently scarred my young and innocent mind. I've never been able to think of the story without that tune informing my memory, so maybe I was having a flashback. :oops:
Jeni Nielsen wrote:Since when have I become the forum dominatrix? :wink:
You say that like it's a bad thing... :o :lol:

Aren't most pro and lifestyle dommes cool, smart, practical, and scathingly funny women? So being called "forum dominatrix" should be considered an honor... :P

Besides, IMHO, "Domina Jeni" and "Goddess Jeni" sound way cooler than "Moderator Jeni" or "Jeni the Mod." Something like that'd look nifty on a business card, too. "Goddess Jeni, Forum Dominatrix, In the Shell." Next time you're in Japan, you can do the whole meishi presentation/exchange thing... :P :lol:

Okay, it's Friday night, time for me to venture into the streets and allow folks to return to topic... :oops:
Such is the soul in the body: this world is like her little turf of grass, and the heaven o'er our heads, like her looking-glass, only gives us a miserable knowledge of the small compass of our prison. - Bosola, in John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi
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Post by sonic »

You're weird. Stop harassing Jeni- she won't be your cruel master. Put down the dog leash now (kidding, kidding :lol: ).
AlphonseVanWorden
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Post by AlphonseVanWorden »

Sylphisonic wrote:You're weird.
Yep. Guilty as charged.
Stop harassing Jeni- she won't be your cruel master.
:shock:

:lol: :lol: I wasn't saying that I needed a domme. I was saying the "Forum Dominatrix" job title would look cool on a business card... :wink:

As for me, I'm happily taken. I don't think ma petite amie thinks of herself as a dominatrix-- or any kind of cruel mistress, for that matter-- but... :lol: :lol:

I'm kidding. The woman in question is a wonderful, kind, and considerate human being.

I don't think she's ever been involved in the BDSM scene... I imagine she would've mentioned it. :shock: :wink:
Put down the dog leash now.
Must I? Okay.

<watches the dog run away>

"Come back here!"

:wink:
Such is the soul in the body: this world is like her little turf of grass, and the heaven o'er our heads, like her looking-glass, only gives us a miserable knowledge of the small compass of our prison. - Bosola, in John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi
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Post by sonic »

What is "BDSM" (I can guess the "SM" part, but "BD"?)?
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Elmo
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Post by Elmo »

It's an overlapping abrieviation; Bondage and Discipline [BD], Dominance and Submission [DS], Sadism and Masochism [SM]. - source is my friends little sister, she's only 13 and I worry about what they're teaching her in school.

*elmo watches the topic running away into the sunset :)
Joseph Cambell wrote:Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths.
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Jeni Nielsen
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Post by Jeni Nielsen »

Elmo wrote:It's an overlapping abrieviation; Bondage and Discipline [BD], Dominance and Submission [DS], Sadism and Masochism [SM]. - source is my friends little sister, she's only 13 and I worry about what they're teaching her in school.

*elmo watches the topic running away into the sunset :)
I was always under the impresson it was just Bondage Domination SubMission. But I guess I'm wrong.

Goes to thread this into another topic.
AlphonseVanWorden
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Post by AlphonseVanWorden »

Jeni Nielsen wrote:I was always under the impresson it was just Bondage Domination SubMission. But I guess I'm wrong.
Sorry I haven't been posting. Work-related stuff, preparations for hurricane season, etc.

And I'm sorry if the discussion seems sordid to anyone...

As an abbreviation, BDSM usually signifies Bondage/Discipline, Sadism/Masochism, but the abbreviation includes Domination and submission. (Most practitioners prefer seeing the former word written with an initial capital letter and the latter with a lowercase, and the preferred written abbreviation is D/s). The relationship between D/s and BDSM is often reflected in the usage of BDSM, so Elmo's sister is correct. It's a term that covers a variety and range of behaviors. A lot of folks who are into the lifestyle use the term in the way I've described(BD= Bondage/Discipline, SM= Sadism/Masochism or simply sadomasochism), but D/s relationships are included in and covered by the abbreviation.

For purists, though, the s would need to be lowercase for it to refer to submissives...

The reason the BDSM abbreviation's so fluid is that some people are switches, i.e. they enjoy acting out one role or the other, depending upon the partner/context. Their particular interests are varied, if that makes sense. It's not either/or for these people; their preferred behavior depends on the partner/situation. Also, as Sadomasochism (and Dominant/submissive relationships) and Bondage/Discipline involve power relationships and exchanges of power, and as some power relationships are fluid, the label has to be flexible, all-encompassing, to do justice to the full range of related behaviors.

In terms of pro dommes, this kind of fluidity is pretty obvious. A customer pays to live out a certain fantasy, and the domme caters to that desire. It could be argued that the submissive in these circumstances has financial power... Also, there are sites on which dommes are rated by clients; it's kind of the industry's equivalent to Amazon.com or IMDB customer ratings, and I suppose that's another type of power exchange, but one obviously related to the practice-- how good one is at being dominant, etc. And, to complicate things further, some lifestyle and professional doms and dommes are switches in their personal lives. I had a friend who was a pro domme, but she preferred being a sub-- sometimes-- when she was away from work, and I've known a fair number of people, gay and straight and bi, both male and female, whose interests in that area were pretty wide-ranging. [Edit: The lady in question wasn't a prostitute; she didn't and wouldn't have sex for money. She had no reason to lie about it; we were good friends, and she knew I wouldn't think less of her either way. I would've worried about her, as such behavior would be out of character for her and might have put her in danger, but that's something else entirely. Technically, what she was doing could be considered part of a "grey" market as opposed to an illegal activity, given the laws of the state in which she lived. While some people might feel uncomfortable with her chosen occupation, the laws didn't address her line of work, and it didn't involve sex-for-money, so...]

Sometimes switches want to be dominant, sometimes submissive. Depends on the situation and person they're with... And some people just dabble or like the signifiers or are interested in but aren't really into BDSM in the same way that lifestyle folks are, as you can see from spending time in certain nightclub scenes. And some escorts, etc. just play out scenes for the money. As with a lot of sexual behaviors-- and human behaviors in general-- there's a fair degree of variance within the group or subculture, and there are people at the periphery of the subculture who wouldn't be described as part of the subculture by those on the inside.

Fetish stuff relates to BDSM, and many people involved in such activities have fetishes, but not all BDSM people are fetishists. Some folks just like the feel and smell of certain materials, and have no interest in BDSM.

My sources for the above being people I've known and had as friends...

They were-- and are-- cool people. So don't think any less of me... :lol:

Just an aside: A couple of years ago, a friend of mine and I were in a certain New Orleans restaurant. My friend had asked me about a really lousy movie, and I was describing the film to my friend, detailing the way the film pandered to adolescent male misunderstandings of human sexuality and was sadistic towards women. A woman at the next table interrupted us. She was a local BDSM activist and educator, and she thought that I was attacking the lifestyle or wasn't aware that sadists of her acquaintance didn't enjoy killing people.

(It's odd to think of this, but the woman probably knows some of the same people I know... I just don't spend a lot of time in those circles, unless some sort of interesting event such as a fetish ball or club performance or other celebration is going on. I kind of dig clothes and costumes and performance, so I still go to those sorts of events from time to time. As for the lifestyle, I know some individuals who are into the scene, and I think they're cool and amazingly nifty people, and we talk about things and share a number of interests, and they like the fact that I don't think they're freaks or whatnot. But I'm not quite as decadent as I once was, so I'm not really part of that scene. I'm far... calmer these days than I was in my youth, alas. The scene just seems like so much work, and I'm not as energetic as I used to be... I swear, I have a pretty banal personality, at least by some standards. :lol: )

I explained that I was talking about a trashy exploitation film, that I wasn't using the term "sadism" in the way that practioners would (both meanings have to do with power dynamics, but I recognize a difference in kind and degree between the definitions), that I hadn't intended to offend any eavesdroppers, and that the film suggested that females exist only to be injured or killed. The woman was appeased, and my friend and I resumed our conversation.

Goes to show... context makes up for a lot. :lol:
Last edited by AlphonseVanWorden on Tue May 09, 2006 6:44 am, edited 4 times in total.
Such is the soul in the body: this world is like her little turf of grass, and the heaven o'er our heads, like her looking-glass, only gives us a miserable knowledge of the small compass of our prison. - Bosola, in John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi
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Post by Tonks_kittygoth »

Was the movie that awful Boxing Helena movie. *growls in memory*
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Post by AlphonseVanWorden »

Nope. It was a really bad low-budget Italian sword-and-sandal exploitation film from the Eighties. I won't mention the title on this thread... (It was directed by Joe D'Amato of Anthropophagous fame... *coughs* Nuff said.) :P
Last edited by AlphonseVanWorden on Tue May 09, 2006 6:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
Such is the soul in the body: this world is like her little turf of grass, and the heaven o'er our heads, like her looking-glass, only gives us a miserable knowledge of the small compass of our prison. - Bosola, in John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi
AlphonseVanWorden
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Post by AlphonseVanWorden »

See what sort of subjects get discussed when I "share with the group"? :? :( :lol:

Oh, well. I hope it was informative... about something other than my pals, my acquaintances, and me.
Such is the soul in the body: this world is like her little turf of grass, and the heaven o'er our heads, like her looking-glass, only gives us a miserable knowledge of the small compass of our prison. - Bosola, in John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi
AlphonseVanWorden
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Post by AlphonseVanWorden »

Sylphisonic wrote:You know, because I mostly associate the liberal usage of the word "folks" with President George Bush these days, I kind of read that sentence and nearly cracked up over it because in my head it was Mr. Bush's voice. In that dead-pan public address tone. Sorry, it's juvenille and may be offensive to some readers, but that is honestly what happened. And I got a giggle off of it.
I'm not offended by the giggles at all, but I'll point out that I live in the South, and folks down here tend to use the word "folks" conversationally. I'll admit that expletives are often substituted for "folks" in New Orleans... :P
Uhh, seriously I think I'd rather not know what my friends where getting up to if that's what they were into...
As I've said in other contexts, this is probably just a difference of definition and point-of-view. If the friend is, in fact, my friend, I have no problem with him or her telling me about his or her work, relationship, etc. As you've suggested elsewhere, personal anecdote is a way of explaining where one is coming from...

And I'd say that some of the people in question experience a fair amount of anxiety and anguish because they can't reveal their jobs or interests to people they care about-- precisely because they're worried about being called "weirdos" and being told to "keep their distance" and whatnot. Sexual idenitity-- and that's really what we're talking about; in many instance, it's not simply a matter of behavior, and anyway, a person gets pegged with an identity as soon as his or her behaviors are exposed-- is, culturally, bound up with history, environment, with what people don't want to hear or know about... because it strikes them as weird.

In the case of people who are into the lifestyle, this causes some particularly acute types of anxiety and pain, as it's pretty central to how they view themselves (or can become a painful and secretive obsession, if they can't come to terms with their desires), and as some of their particular fears-- being socially stigmatized, rejected by people they care about, possibly missing out on job opportunities if they're "found out", etc.-- is pretty human, I think.

And, of course, it's this kind of shame that feeds into the marketplace, if you follow me. If someone is ashamed to ask a loved one, he or she seeks out a professional... and many find themselves in a double-bind, so to speak. Tell the spouse or partner or potential spouse/partner, and risk losing that person, risk having that person call you a freak. Don't tell an established spouse or partner, and you're betraying, on a pretty basic emotional level, someone you love.

Repression. Supply and demand. An old story.

Same thing goes for curiosity... people feel shame, and it sometimes leads to ruinous results for all involved.

And no, I'm not absolving someone who cheats on his or her lover of having cheated.

I am saying-- without irony-- that life is sad and complex and messy.

I'm prone to feeling sympathy for human beings. I wouldn't say I excuse bad behavior, though. That's something different.
And I think I'll keep my distance, thanks! All you new-fangled young people are just a bit too out there for me. It may be trendy (in an artsy, loft-living kind of way), but I'm just not there I'm afraid. Keep your dirty laundry indoors, and all that.
"All you new-fangled young people"? I'm not that young, I'm afraid... and the people I mentioned weren't young, either. (In fact, the lady who interrupted the discussion my friend and I were having was in her forties or fifties...)

I think I mentioned I'm not into BDSM, so it's hardly my dirty laundry... and it seemed relevant to the topic, to the question.

And I met more than a few people who were into BDSM when I lived in England...

:shock: :lol:

I'm not sure anyone I've spoken of got "into" certain things because they were trying to keep up with trends (in fact, they'd be excluded from a lot of social circles if their lines of work and/or proclivities were known), nor were they all artsy, and many didn't live in lofts.

And I seldom discuss my experiences-- or experiences I've heard about from friends and associates-- for exactly this reason: I always find it fascinating and sort of depressing that these sorts of discussions become-- almost by default-- ad hominem arguments.

With all the references to "weirdos" and use of the second person and whatnot, I almost get the feeling you're speaking ill of my friends...

Without knowing them.

I'm curious... Do I fit the "weirdo" model because I've had friends and know people who tell me about that sort of thing and I don't freak out?

It's not like I accept or even tolerate every possible human behavior...

And I have to ask... The point of your story about the writer was...? I mean, if the woman and her "posse" were the sort of folks who'd kidnap you and forcibly induct you, I could see how that could be disconcerting, if not downright upsetting...

But if they were just curious and were obviously curious, I'd probably have responded the same way I do to people who hit on me or seem interested in me that way. "Well, I'm flattered, but I'm happily involved with someone." Or, sometimes, if the person is male: "You're not really my type, if you see what I mean. <smile> Thanks, though."

Usually the other party is pretty embarrassed-- after all, they've been open about themselves and have risked rejection or worse (if I'm a stranger to them; I could be violently homophobic or enraged by what they've proposed or something, for all they know)-- and I'm a pretty polite person, so...
What's wrong with S&M being used to just cover the whole spectrum?
There's nothing wrong with it... it's just inaccurate.

If you look at late-19th and early 20th Century texts by psychologists such as Krafft-Ebing (who first employed "masochism" as a clinical term in the 1890s, naming the behavior after Leopold von Sacher-Masoch), the terms "sadism" and "masochism" had pretty particular meanings, and referred to particular behaviors or obsessions or inclinations... and so did "dominant" and "submissive personality", etc. The meanings remained pretty constant right up to the present, although psychologists and law enforcement officials draw distinctions-- in most instances, in many countries-- between individuals who enjoy consensual (but certainly unconventional) relationships and, say, people who enjoy inflicting pain on unwilling partners.
Such is the soul in the body: this world is like her little turf of grass, and the heaven o'er our heads, like her looking-glass, only gives us a miserable knowledge of the small compass of our prison. - Bosola, in John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi
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Tonks_kittygoth
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Post by Tonks_kittygoth »

Soooooooooo (from the old or new outfit topic) you're ok with peeps runing around in hardly any clothes, nudity, all the creepy softcore pedifilia that goes on in anime with young girls being dressed up in fetish sailor outfits and as animals etc for creepy guys to wank off too, but not with sex?

The whole thing with the major boping around in her swimsuit or undies or whatever is for guys (or girls I suppose) to wank off to you know right?

It has little or nothing to do with womens rights and her being a powerful cyborg that cant be hurt. I mean yeh she is strong but that isnt the point its to show a cute girl's tits bouncing around while she kicks ass so guys can get off on some power fantasy. She ended up being a good character too but thats not why she dresses the way she does. And why there are all those porno french maid androids all around etc.

Sex is part of life, and your going to have to get used to hearing about it. And Al is right, life is hard and complicated and generally downright horrible. There is no need to add to peoples general missery by declaring them "Weirder than Thou"

If you create a judgemental cruel world where peoples individualality, personal, sexual, whatever is declared "not fit for polight socity" you just end up with people taking out their fear and shame on themselvs and others in cruel ways.

That is why there is so much nasty shit out there, where people are abused, mentaly and physically, and raped. Because people arnt allowed to deal with their natural urges because of shame. At least the "weirdos" deal with it in ways that are consentual between two adults.

People think this stuff is somehow new. Hello, Sex is one of the basic needs in life. Wether or not you chose to act on it, your brain and your body are HARDwired to it. You have to deal with it and get it out, or it will come out in some horrible way, like the Preist pedifile thing. At least now Sex is out in the open and not hidden away so that the abuses are at least minimized. Well, slightly minimized....

Issues of Bondage, and power etc. have been going on forever. You just didnt hear about it because it was being worked out in the scary realy real world way by raping a maid or the neighbors son, or paying a prostitute, so she can go get beat by her pimp for her money. Ill take a couple of geezers in butless chaps, wips, and pvc any day before rape being the only way of dealing with dominace issues.

Nobody is normal.

Normal is a word that people use to pretend they are safe.

None of us are safe, its a made up concept.

You seem to be a lucky person, and I hope you stay that lucky and nothing bad ever happens to you. That you dont know the pain of being the weirdo.
That maybe you will get to learn compassion from books and people telling you stories. Most of us don't. Compassion comes from going through your own little hell usualy.

Al, and me, and whoever else who chose to let people live the way they want, as long as it harms none, and still value them as people have learned that there is no black or white. People are all f**ked up balls of pain, joy, love and horror. We are beautiful and terrible in every ounce of our flesh.


As far as taking people seriously or not based on their sexual activities, you are in for a heck of a suprise what your most idolized heros are doing on their off days.

This all said, I probably sound like a giant mean B***ch to you, and if you think that, I can do nothing about it. However, calling people weirdos hurts, and I know lots of innocent people who have had their lives, self image etc hurt. Others I know have killed themselves because they thought they were too weird to ever find an accepting loving comunity out there, so I cant take it lightly.

I screw up too, hell all the time, like when I refered to people as rednecks and Al pointed out that was rude of me. I didnt mean it cruely, but now I know better.
"Life is as dear to a mute creature as it is to man.
Just as one wants happiness and fears pain, just as
one wants to live and not die, so do other
creatures." - His Holiness The Dalai Lama
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Tonks_kittygoth
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Post by Tonks_kittygoth »

God i knew i should have just left this crap alone.

I wasnt saying you are a pedifile or endorsed it, I just dont understand why you defend one thing but are extreamely offended by the other. How constant near nudity in anime is ok and healthy, but tv adverts for sex stuff isnt. If you really dont see a connection with depictions of nudity and seminudity and sex that explains it.

Me, maybe I work, live around, have to deal with differnt kinda guys/people than you do, but to them any scantily clad female image is sexual to them, excepting maybe in sports, but probably that too. Maybe its a culture thing.

To me a lot of anime glorifys the sexiness of young girls often wearing thier school outfits which look like sailor outfits to me or women dressed as young girls, and that is disturbing to me and I dont understand why other women are ok with that, unless they dont care about the fetishistic side to it. I dont like "bratz" dolls either for the same reason.

The animal thing comes from varioius covers of video's and figures Ive seen, such as a cat girl dressed as a nun, with her skirt flying up to show her garter stockings and panties. I dont realy try to remember these things so I dont know specific names.

Im not really ok with it personaly, I think it objectifies women and takes awayfrom their characters. I didnt want to give GitS a try at first because of it. But I like the strong charecters behind the fan grat depictions. Hence I like the new uniform more, cause it is less objectifying. I also wish women were depicted diffently in most anime.

Anyways, I originally came on to erase my post cause I probably was overrecting. I just wanted to back up Al, because I do believe that its better to be accepting and compassionite toward others. Also I thougt you were calling him a weirdo, and I know how that hurts. Im fairly boring, but a punk/goth/ art person and Ive gotten that all my life. Everyone I am close to and love besides family is considered weird and get constant shit for it. Hence the overreaction. I often am crappy at getting my point across without pissing people off however so I figured it was best just to erase my post, though there is no point now.

And yeh im sick of seeing sex stuff everywhere, too, but it is accepted cause it is among "normal" people. What I was saying is that if adult people want to consetually get up to whatever I think it isnt right to lable them as weirdos, or bad etc. Anyways, This whole thread was about Dominatrix crap, and everyone seemed to be so very interested in it so im guessing Al felt it was ok to mention his friends in here.

To clarify, I wasnt purpously infering anything bad about your character, I dont know you well enough. I just didnt understand your veiws which seemed to contradict each other.

Peace,
"Life is as dear to a mute creature as it is to man.
Just as one wants happiness and fears pain, just as
one wants to live and not die, so do other
creatures." - His Holiness The Dalai Lama
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Post by Tonks_kittygoth »

Yeh see, I am crappy at comunication.

Im just going to answer a few things from you second half post, as way of prying my foot out of my mouth.

The funny thing is the part I thought was me appologizing for being such a jaded jerk, was the part that pissed you off the most.

I'm sorry, (in the sympathetic way, not the apolgetic way) that you had such a rough life. I really was hoping you were lucky enough not to have a crappy life. I was lucky enough to have a good life till about 10 years ago. realy never thought saying someone had a lucky life would be offensive, but like i said im good at getting my foot stuck in my mouth.
I was just going on your post about going to a private school where everone thought stuff was silly or something like that. I work at a private school where a lot of the students have very cruely consevitive ideas, and very little compassion. As you say though it isnt right to generalize.

I am glad that things worked out, you got tough, and you found a sweetie to be with.

You bring up a lot of good points, about the world being nicer than I see it. And admittedly alot of things I was bassing on I guess you could call it "armchair" psycholgy, as I only have a few classes in it, not a degree or anything.
I do think that it is very hard for people to not deal with thier sexuality in some way, and that not dealing with it ends up often hurting them. By dealing, I dont mean have sexual acts, but somehow realize it mentaly and acknowledge whatever feelings you have, rather than repress them.

The priest thing actually comes from what I know about the processes they go through in training priests nowadays. ( Im catholic so I got a bit of the story) and they now make sure to deal with the sexual feelings of the priests, so that they can handle celebacy without it exagerating by total repression any disturbing urges. From what I know, they fear that some of the large problem had to do with fear and repression. Also they make sure that the person is older, (they used to let kids join as young as I believe 12)

As far as political correctness, whereas I agree some people take it too far, like the ChunLi haters, Im dont think im really going to ever have a problem with it. I do think we should all be more understanding to each other, which, as you made a good point, includes those who do not wish to deal with sexuality.

At least we agree that the bratz dolls are hideous. .... they even have toddler ones that are even scaryier...
"Life is as dear to a mute creature as it is to man.
Just as one wants happiness and fears pain, just as
one wants to live and not die, so do other
creatures." - His Holiness The Dalai Lama
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